Regrets
by A Bittersweet Liar
Summary: During a fight with a villain, the civilians get killed, making Billy feel guilty. As the guilt slowly eats him up from the inside, he tries to compensate for the guilt of failing those civilians, by deciding to stop being Billy, and become Captain Marvel full-time. He refuses to eat, or sleep, or even live as Billy, when both the JL and YJ team notice and interfere. *ON HIATUS!*
1. Prologue: How it Began

**Title: **Regrets.

**Characters:** Billy/Captain Marvel, Superman/Clark Kent, slight mention of Batman, Hawkgirl and an Original villain.

**For:** An Anon on the YJ Anonymous Meme.

**Genre:** Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, and Friendship later on.

**Rating: **PG.

**Pairing: **There will be **no **pairings throughout the whole story at all. This is a Billy-Centric, other than Dinah/Ollie which were already a pair before the YJ team was initiated, and Flash/Iris. There will be no Supermartian, Chalant, or Spitfire, maybe their usual closeness and behavior, but _**no**_ romance at all.

**Prompt**_**:**__ At some point past the end of "Auld Acquaintance," Captain Marvel has a major failure of some kind - not managing to save a group of civilians, inadvertently causing innocent deaths while fighting a super villain, something like that. It haunts him constantly, to the point where he feels he has to be on superhero alert all the time as penance, forgoing his personal life to try and safe more lives and fight evil._

_Flash-forward five years; the situation has gotten much worse. Thanks to the stamina of Atlas, Captain Marvel can be a superhero more or less full time, without having to stop to eat or sleep, and that's exactly what he does. He's completely given up on being Billy (leaving his Uncle Dudley heartbroken) and hasn't even changed back in the better part of five years._

_Cue someone from the League/Team (or everyone) having longheld suspicions and then finally finding out the truth and staging an intervention for his workaholism. _

_I mean there must be SOME reason we haven't seen 15-year-old Billy Batson yet on Invasion am I right?_

**Author's Note: **This is in no way related to episode 26 'Auld Acquaintance' because I couldn't see the prompt working if another major story was going on as well. And despite the slight changes from the original prompt, this story will stay accurate to the prompt with what went on with Billy during the years.

I loved the idea very much, since Billy has grown on me. I hope this doesn't fail to please. This will be a chaptered series.

**********AND YES! I'VE RE-EDITED THIS STORY, AS I DIDN'T LIKE HOW I WROTE THE BEGINNING, OR ANYTHING ELSE REALLY, & I WILL BE DOING THE SAME THING TO OTHER CHAPTERS, ALONG WITH FUTURE, UNWRITTEN CHAPTERS TOO~***********

* * *

**_Regrets – How it Began...__  
__  
_**

It was an easy mission, fight the bad guy, rescue the hostages, and save the day.

Except this time, Billy or rather Captain Marvel was unprepared, the villain had set up a bomb, and until Captain Marvel would defeat him, the villain refused to tell Billy where the whereabouts of the detonator was, and when Captain Marvel tried to remove the bomb physically, he was electrified.

The villain only cackled and told Billy "Na uh uh~ Captain. You_ have_ to fight me first. And maybe then, I'll consider giving you the detonator." a wicked smile on filling the middle-aged villain's face.

A little blonde girl gave him a smile and said "You can do it Captain Marvel, I **believe** in you~" and Billy felt confident after hearing her words. He promised himself he'd make sure they'd all make it back alive.

'If it weren't for the fancy suit, the villain would have definitely fit the role of a _mad_ scientist' Captain Marvel thought for a moment, almost distracting himself from his current situation.

Captain Marvel did not want to see the women, children, and sorry looking men die under his watch, especially the little girl who believed in_ him._ He made sure to call for League Back-up though, just in case something went wrong.

The more Captain Marvel kept fighting with the villain, the more the criminal began leading him away from the civilians, and Captain Marvel began to worry. There was only 3 minutes he had to get the fight over with, or the civilians would die, and Billy-no, Captain Marvel couldn't let civilians die under his watch. Not after he promised Shazam that he'd do _all he could_ to protect the innocent and defenseless.

But as the villain kept avoiding his blows, Captain Marvel began to worry more, and **more**. Because the villain was trained well, and kept blocking Captain Marvel's blows perfectly, as if Captain Marvel's strength didn't affect him at all.

Billy's worry increased double-fold, as the timer announced 1 minute remaining left.

He flew back to the civilians to try, and help get rid of the bomb. But just before he reached them, the villain pressed the detonator, causing the room to blast, explode into a giant flame, and rubble.

And despite how the effect of the blast slightly hurt him, Billy tried to look for any survivors, and found nothing. His eyes widened when he noticed an almost burned green ribbon that the little blonde girl had been wearing, and Billy wanted to cry. He _failed_ those people, he let them die...

He turned his angry eyes to the villain who smiled and told him "I told you to defeat me Marvel. I _don't_ like being ignored~" and before the villain could say anything, Captain Marvel had instantly flown towards him and punched the villain hard enough to break the man's jaw, the villain flew back, and rubbed his jaw, muttering "Man that's gonna bruise..." but Captain Marvel didn't stop hitting the man, he began using all of his strength for each & every punch, aiming _to kill_ not stop. Ignoring the pained yells coming from the villain, and _how_ some of the bones had cracked underneath the pressure of his punches.

Captain Marvel didn't stop hitting the villain, even when the man had began to cough up blood, only until Superman -who had arrived a few moments ago- had placed his hand on Captain Marvel's shoulder and told him. "Captain Marvel, **stop!**"

Despite how Captain Marvel's hands trembled with rage, and despair, Billy did _not_ want to stop, even at the cost of angering one of his favorite Superheroes. But Billy did, because he didn't want to become a murderer, not like this villain.

Superman asked kindly "What happened_?_" eyes tense and glancing at the fire, and rubble surrounding them. And Billy wanted to break down crying, but he was a hero, and heroes _never_ cried, well, not in public that is, Billy was _sure_ of that.

He uttered disgusted, but not sure if it was with himself of the villain "He-**I** **failed** this mission. I let the civilians _die_" his eyes glassy, and full of shame.

Superman frowned and told him "Explain." and Captain Marvel did. He explained _everything_, despite the tightness in his chest and how it hurt his throat to speak. He explained it all.

Superman's expression and whole demeanor softened as he told Billy "It's not your fault Captain Marvel. You had no choice. You tried your best" but he shook his head and told Superman "No_..._I _had_ a choice, I should have let myself die with them. That little girl_ believed_ in me Superman, and all I did was fail her."

Captain Marvel paused, a grave look filling his youthful features, as he let out a snort "_My best?_ If that's my best, I do NOT want to see my worst."

"Billy-" Superman began softly, not noticing his slip up of using Captain Marvel's civilian name, and was cut off by Billy continuing darkly. "And _now_ she's dead. Nothing can fix that Superman...**nothing.**" before lifting upwards into the air.

Billy didn't watch either Batman or Hawkgirl detain the villain, -who was trembling in fear, hands tightly clutched to a cane, and the other to a detonator- he was already giving the heroes his back, as he glided away.

Superman called out to the flying figure "Captain Marvel!" but the latter ignored him, as he continued flying.

Because Billy didn't want Superman to feel sorry for him. He didn't want pity, nor empathy, he just-he wanted to be _alone. _And Captain Marvel, well, he _failed_. And failure was unacceptable.

Superman hoped the boy wouldn't take to heart, but he knew Billy, and it would be a _long_ time before Billy would get over this mission.

Batman asked him "Where's Marvel? Shouldn't he be _here_ to finish briefing up the mission?"

"Yes Clark, where _is_ Captain Marvel, wasn't this his mission?" Hawkgirl asked, with raised eyebrows, her mace dangling in her hands in a loose grip.

The Kryptonian answered, "I'll explain, but not now, later on. For now...let's leave him alone for a while..." trailing off his words, not sure _how_ _long_ Billy needed, and ignored Batman's quirk of the lips that stated 'You will tell me everything now or _**else**_'.

Superman sighed, and began talking.

While Captain Marvel could now, no longer be seen, Hawkgirl still watched the skies with sad eyes, looking for any traces of red & gold.

* * *

_End of the Beginning._


	2. Chapter 1: Giving Up Billy

**Characters:** Billy/Captain Marvel, Batman, and mentions of original character.

**Genre:** Angst, Hurt/Comfort.

**Rating: **PG.

**Prompt**_**:**__ At some point past the end of "Auld Acquaintance," Captain Marvel has a major failure of some kind - not managing to save a group of civilians, inadvertently causing innocent deaths while fighting a super villain, something like that. It haunts him constantly, to the point where he feels he has to be on superhero alert all the time as penance, forgoing his personal life to try and safe more lives and fight evil._

_Flash-forward five years; the situation has gotten much worse. Thanks to the stamina of Atlas, Captain Marvel can be a superhero more or less full time, without having to stop to eat or sleep, and that's exactly what he does. He's completely given up on being Billy (leaving his Uncle Dudley heartbroken) and hasn't even changed back in the better part of five years._

_Cue someone from the League/Team (or everyone) having longheld suspicions and then finally finding out the truth and staging an intervention for his workaholism. _

_I mean there must be SOME reason we haven't seen 15-year-old Billy Batson yet on Invasion am I right _

**Summary: **After Captain Marvel leaves Superman to debrief Batman and Hawkgirl; he heads back to Fawcett City as Billy Batson, and remembers. But as he remembers the guilt slowly eats him up from the inside, and Billy makes a choice. Batman follows Billy to make sure that he's okay.

**Author's Note: **I've decided to include some mentions of Billy's past before he became Captain Marvel, and after he became Captain Marvel. This chapter is also dark as the other chapter, because let's face it, Billy Batson is a 10-year-old boy who believes in good, giving people second chances, and saving people, but it doesn't mean that he applies his rules or beliefs to himself. I hope this chapter didn't fail to please.

_Do review! _

THIS HAS ALSO BEEN RE-EDITED! PLEASE ENJOY ~

* * *

_"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like." _

- Lemony Snicket

* * *

_**Regrets – Chapter 1 'Giving up Billy'**_

Billy was _sad,_ sad that he failed those people, those people who _believed_ in Captain Marvel, and Billy had let them down, just like the little kid he was; he let those people _**die**_. He had disappointed that little girl, who believed in him, who _trusted_ him not to fail them, and he just let them die...

How could he do such a thing?! It was like their lives had meant nothing to Billy, the statement making the 11-year-old hate himself even more.

If he had been _strong_ enough, _smart_ enough, he could've prevented the whole thing from even happening.

But he **wasn't**...

If he was Batman, he would've managed to disable the detonator, and knock out the villain almost instantly.

If he was Superman he could've smashed the man, not enough to kill him, but to stop him, because Superman _never_ hesitated if civilians would be in danger.

If he was the Flash, he would've been quick enough to confuse the man, and save the civilians.

And if he was someone else, **no one** would have died...but he's not.

He's Billy Batson, a kid who's _nothing,_ but a failure. An orphan who let his sister slip away from him. An unwanted child, and an unworthy

Billy bites his lips _hard_ enough to draw blood, as his hands tremble slightly, while his eyes sting with guilty tears. His heart _hurts _so much; he's feeling weak and vulnerable, just like when he was 7 years old, and cast out to the streets, or rather he had fled to the streets from the cruel foster parents, and shelter homes that provided **no** sanctuary for a young Billy Batson.

He remembers the cold, how he used to _starve_ for food, and how he'd always be looking for someplace warm to sleep. He also remembers the days when he _couldn't_ help but watch homeless people get kicked and spat on. He remembers crying** too** much, he remembers their blood, tears, pain, and them begging for it to stop. He never understood how people could be _cruel__**,**_ and had decided from then on, he'd **fight** for those who couldn't fight for themselves.

He almost smiles when he remembers the bruises that used to cover his pale skin, because that was _how_ he met Perry, _another_ homeless kid like him. Perry had looked up to him, with slightly-yellow teeth forming a bright grin, which stood out more than the dirt clinging on to Perry's dirty-blond hair.

Perry had died of pneumonia a year ago -from this current year (2011)-, before Billy left the streets with Uncle Dudley. And his body was never buried; they cremated him, after he called 911, using the money he had salvaged from people, at a payphone. The ambulance had arrived **_too late_**...

But Billy _doesn't_ forget, he cannot forget the way Perry had shivered uncontrollably, the way Perry's skin was a ghostly-blue, as he would utter "Billy 'm cold, _so cold..._" his eyes fluttering uncontrollably, despite how much Billy told Perry his body was much _too_ warm to be cold. He'd been terrified after hearing those words, the words that had sealed Perry's fate.

And he remembers hearing the painful coughs shudder through Perry's chest, wishing they'd stop, because he couldn't _bear_ to see his friend in such agonizing pain. He _even_ remembers how with each cough, droplets of blood would leave Perry's lips, due to internal bleeding.

Billy remembers losing _a lot_ of weight during those two months that Perry was sick, cause he'd spend most of the food he found, on trying to help Perry eat more, to get better.

Perry **never** did, and Billy had lost his closest and _only_ friend that day. He never let someone in after the incident. And Billy learned then, that even if you're good, even if you do good things, death is one enemy, _no human_ can take down.

He met Uncle Dudley after that, on a winter evening, beside a run-down grocery store.

Uncle Dudley had befriended him for four months, before deciding to adopt him weeks later. Billy found it _easy_ to confide to his Uncle on how hard his life as an orphan was, and how sad it was that people had lost faith in one another. And Uncle Dudley never judged him, just hugged him tight, and promised Billy he'd try to be the best guardian ever. Billy had felt quite happy then.

Billy also told Uncle Dudley about his dream to be a hero like Superman, or to someday join the Justice League. He was only _glad_ that his dream was made true when he met Shazam.

Everything in his life just fell into place then; if he was free, he made sure to _still_ visit his and Perry's favorite park whenever he wanted to talk to Perry, or thank him for the happy memories despite their sad and hard times, or to mourn the loss of his best friend.

He never made other friends after that, not wanting to get close to people who could never understand him, to people who could not understand the burdens of heroes or secret identities, along with the fact that he compared everyone to Perry.

Billy had become more _alone_ than he had ever been after he became Captain Marvel. Always making up excuses to why he was late, or why his homework wasn't done, but he made sure to keep his grades high, even if he didn't have friends. Helping people was the only thing that mattered to Billy.

The nostalgia hits him hard, as he glances at the familiar filthy streets of Fawcett City, at the same people whose eyes no longer carry hope, whose desperation have called out to Billy. Because Billy _found_ a home, he had escaped the wretched streets of despair, but still, the pain, the cold, and the emptiness _lingers,_ when he thinks back of the years he'd spent as a homeless orphan boy.

He thinks of the little girl **again**, and feels tears slips past his eyes, and shivers as another cool gust of wind blows against him. His tiny nimble fingers cling to his hoodie, and he zips it closed.

When he turns around, he finds himself walking against an empty alleyway. He _remembers_ blood, screams, beautiful graffiti, and stray dogs.

He walks away.

The wind blows against him once more, and this time, Billy _embraces_ the cold, whilst he keeps on walking. His legs move, and don't stop until he reaches a familiar park. He smiles sadly, before entering reluctantly. He walks a few steps before sitting on a bench; the park is _empty_ despite it not being that late into the evening.

Kinda like how Billy is feeling at the moment. Empty.

Billy feels the past surround him in an embrace that makes Billy feel useless, because **no** great hero needed reassurance, and he was sure that Superman didn't need anyone or anything to make himself feel better.

The guilt gnaws within him, and Billy wishes for once he was just another ordinary kid, who _didn't_ lose his parents, didn't have to watch people around him suffer or die, and to remember his twin sister, as his memories of her began to fade away with the years. He misses her _smiles_ the most...

Billy looks up into the night sky, ignoring the stray ebony hairs falling over his hair; he notes that the stars are dim, while fluffy-looking purple clouds fill the sky. He sees a moon half covered by a large cloud, before feeling something change within him, before feeling determination kick in _hard_ and fast.

He knew what he could do to fix his mistake, he'd help more people. He'd make sure _none_ of them would ever die.

He decided he'd stop being Billy Batson for good. And to _become_ Captain Marvel full-time.

He _**knew**_it wouldn't wash away the guilt, or make him feel better, but if Billy had to suffer, then it was a _necessary_ suffering that Billy was willing to risk, because it would help the guilt go away.

It would help the pain lessen. It would help him to not have to think of the rubble & _ash_, or even, the little girl's smile, before Billy had _failed_ her.

He'd become Captain Marvel, and he'd _give up_ Billy Batson. He stood up, and promised himself, while there was _still _crime, he'd **never **stop fighting.

Billy Batson died that day...and nobody even realized.

* * *

**End of Chapter 1**


	3. Dealing With Guilt

**Characters:** Billy/Captain Marvel, Batman, Shayera/Hawkgirl, Superman, and Flash.

**Genre:** Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Drama.

**Length: **2,659 words.

**Rating: **PG

**Summary: **Billy is resolved on not being Billy any more, and for his first choice, wants to quit the Justice League. He believes he is _unworthy_ of remaining in the League because he let people die.

**Author's Note: **I'm sorry this took _so long_, but this chapter was necessary for the story to develop. This part of the story focuses more on the Billy's guilt than the main plot, and if any of you have watched Justice League Unlimited, then you will know that the League _always_ knew Billy was a kid, and they liked him, including Batman, so I put in the fact that they liked him. I also included Shayera, because she had betrayed the Justice League, and would understand the most how it feels like to betray the trust people have in you when you fail them; and since the Justice League was a kids show, of course they wouldn't show the fact that people may have died during the Thangarians invasion of Earth.

The show or comics don't show them interacting much, but I wanted to do that because I feel like many of the Justice League are important characters to Captain Marvel, and have helped shape him, as they were his childhood heroes, _before_ he became Captain Marvel. I'd have loved to include Superman more in here –since he's Billy's **favorite** Justice League member-, but I felt that Hawkgirl and Batman would be the ones with more conviction in convincing Billy to stay, the former's reason being already mentioned, and Batman because he really does understand.

And yes Batman does feel guilt; he's human first after all. I hope this has not failed to please.

* * *

**Chapter 2 'Dealing With Guilt**

"Shazam" is uttered softly, as lightning hits the ground, but all the few people in the park can see is the white flash, and red, before silence fills the park. No one noticed the disappearance of a little boy, and the empty bench. But people noticed Captain Marvel, as they pointed and exclaimed out loud "Captain Marvel" at the red-clad figure soaring into the skies.

The wind blows hard against Billy's-no Captain Marvel's skin, but the feeling is refreshing, and it washes away all the depressing thoughts out of his head for those short moments. When Captain Marvel stops flying, he has landed beside a payphone booth.

He takes a few steps forward, before glancing back to make sure no one is looking, when he sees no one following, he continues walking. And then opens the door to the payphone's booth. He closes the door instantly, grabs the phone, and utters "Activate Zeta-Beam Gate. Access Code BX7184C". A red light appears from above the payphone, and scans Captain Marvel from head to toe, before uttering in the familiar electronic voice "Recognized A15 Captain Marvel" before the beam hit him, and suddenly Captain Marvel was gone, the payphone booth empty.

**No one** noticed the difference, and the passing crowds of people outside the dark alley, walked on as if nothing unusual had occurred.

Captain Marvel opened his eyes, and found himself inside the Watchtower, and inwardly grimaced, as the earlier memories of guilt, regret, and self-loathing surrounded him like metal chains aiming to kill.

He sighed, before heading off to find Batman or Superman, to apologize to both for acting childish, and to de-brief the mission to Batman like he was supposed to have done earlier. But the feeling of guilt makes him want to leave, and walk away from the Watchtower, that with every step he took, it felt like his feet were attached to tons of steel, making it harder to move forward. When he reached the meeting room, he began tugging on his lower lip with his teeth, a nervous habit he couldn't get rid of, despite the _years _of trying. The door opens automatically, and Captain Marvel instantly resumed a serious expression as he glances at both Hawkgirl, and Batman in the room. Batman was on a chair, gazing at the screen in front of him, while he was talking with Superman. Hawkgirl was standing; her mace loosely carried in her right hand, before she turned as she noticed him, smiled gently, and strode towards him.

Captain Marvel felt his breathing slightly hitch, and frowned instantly, feeling dejected and wondering _why_ Hawkgirl would be smiling at him, when he failed, when he let people die, why would she smile at him. 'Why _**wasn't**_ she angry' he wondered feeling more miserable by each passing second.

He wondered if this was how Wally and the Flash felt, when waiting for someone to respond, the endless time never seemed to move fast enough. Hawkgirl, _no_ Shayera, -he had _earned the right_ to call her by her name months ago, in a mission to help stop Grodd from aiming to enslave humanity again and turn them all into gorillas- looked at him, her green eyes full of understanding, as she grabbed his hand and told him "The mission-" and he cut her off, feeling angry at himself, because he had understood what she had been trying to do. "Was a _**failure**_. I let civilians _die_, under my watch, after promising to **save** **them**." And paused, before glancing at Batman who had ended the video feed with Superman to watch them talk, and Captain Marvel continued on feeling determined, "I came here to resign Batman."

Shayera's eyes widen from behind her mask, as she starts angrily "You _can't_ do that!" and Captain Marvel retorts "Why **not**? Did I _not_ fail the one thing we swore we'd do at the cost of our very own lives? Did _**I**_ not let civilians die? Did I _not_ ruin my image as both a member of the Justice League, and as Captain Marvel? Why _should I_ stay here, and tarnish the League's name?" feeling angry, _so very angry_, but not at Shayera, at **himself**, and chokes back the desire to curl into a ball and sob his heart out, because that was something Billy Batson does, and Billy Batson no longer exists.

He _doesn't_ understand, he _can't_ understand, why are **they **not yelling at him, for disgracing them, for _failing_ those people, he _knows_ it was an honest mistake, one that an amateur rookie would make, but Billy's been at this for about 6-7 months, long enough to no longer be considered a rookie, and that people die every day, and that not even the people themselves would take his mistake to heart, but that's why _he does_. If **no one** will blame Billy Batson, or Captain Marvel, then Billy Batson will _**blame **__himself_.

"Because, then you'd be running away Captain Marvel." Batman states, chair turned to face them, while Superman disconnects the video feed with "I'll be there in five." Captain Marvel faces Batman without fear, because he's never been scared of Batman, of disappointing him maybe, but Batman was the greatest one of them all, excluding Superman, and tears sting Billy's eyes, as he thinks of his mother's sweet voice, his father's booming laughter, his twin sister's almost-fogotten giggles, and Perry dying. He remembers the little girl's words ring throughout his head _"I believe in you Captain Marvel"_ and he remembers fire, ashes, and forever-falling rubble. He feels _weak_, and thinks bitterly, 'If only that little girl could see me **now**. The weak, _pathetic,_ superhero, who failed to save people against **one** villain, against **one** **man**, how _hopeless_ could he get? How _disappointed_ would she be?' and grits his teeth hard, ignoring the pain he feels from his jaws due to the frictions, as it quickly _fades_ away.

He lets out a choked sob, the emotions overwhelming him, and he noticed Shayera's angry stance, change into slumped shoulders as she utters "Billy" so softly, and Captain Marvel's eyes flash with anger as he utters coldly "I'm **not** Billy. I'm _Captain Marvel_. And as a superhero, death follows us _everywhere_; I know that just as much as every person in this building knows it, as much as every person _**outside**_ this building _knows_ it. I might be a coward Batman, but **I** _failed_ that little girl who believed that Captain Marvel would _save her_; I failed those people who wanted to believe that they _wouldn't die_ that Captain Marvel would be **able** to save them despite the distrust in their eyes." and slammed his fist against the table, ignoring the way Shayera flinched at the sudden noise, and how her wings ruffled from behind her in surprise. Batman's eyes only narrowed at Captain Marvel, waiting for him to continue.

He continued hoarsely "Civilians _die_ every day, whether we are here to stop it, or we're _not_. But as superheroes, we are to give our **very** best, _to not fail_, to _protect_ those people who _cannot _protect themselves, to **fight** for those who _don't_ have the power to fight for themselves. We have power to bring justice to the world, and I as a member of the Justice League failed the most important promise that I'd swore to prevent from breaking. I had sworn to protect those people, even if I were to die instead. I failed myself, and the mission. If leaving the league makes me a coward, then so be it Batman, but I won't allow myself to fail the League, and any more people again." And walks away, ignoring the feeling of disgust rising inside his throat, and felt shame wash over him, at how disrespectful he was to the heroes he spent his years looking up to.

He **hated** himself, _so much_, that he even _wanted_ the founding members of the Justice League to _**hate**_** him** as well; he wanted to lock himself away, far way, to _kill_ Billy, up to the point where all that would be left is Captain Marvel -_a hero who would protect and _**never **_fail_, a hero who was _worth_ the powers Shazam had given Billy.

But even as he neared the gate, it did not stop Shayera from throwing the mace at him, it landed inches away from Captain Marvel's face on the wall to this right, as she told him tone _very_ angry "Don't_ you dare_ walk away from **this**! We took in Captain Marvel because we saw _good in you_, we saw a **hero** who would _risk his life_ to save others, who _never hurt anyone_ until **needed** to. We saw Justice in _you_ Billy, and that's something we are honored to have with the Justice League, not ashamed of." not noticing how Captain Marvel scowled at the name Billy, as she was gazing at his back.

He turned slowly, and asked, the anger filling him up _slowly_, the pain over-flowing, and yet he kept his tone calm "Are you _done_ talking?" The glare she threw him would have made him flinch any other day, but not today, Billy would no longer let anyone talk him down from what he needed to do, including the Justice League.

She slapped him, hard, but Captain Marvel didn't feel the pain, as much as the impact left a bruise on his cheek. He heard Batman stand up, and utter calmly, always calm, "Shayera." And Shayera lowers her hands that had formed into fists by her side. She growls out "_**Fine**_" before grabbing her mace from the metal wall, throws him a dirty glare, and walking away from Captain Marvel.

Batman stepped closer and told Captain Marvel "Your mission was _not_ a complete failure. You did **everything** _you could_ to save those people. If I had sent someone with you, would _we not_ have avoided this outcome completely? Yes, we would_ have_. If I had sent the Flash, are you trying to tell me he could have stopped that man, without this mission ending up in the same way? Or if I sent Superman he would've managed to save the civilians, and you _wouldn't have_? Captain Marvel, you **are** 10 years old. They are men who have reached adulthood, who have had years of practice, and failures. You've only had 6 months, and you've done more than the best of us. We have all failed some missions, and have not managed to _always_ save civilians. Why do **you** have the right to quit, and none of us _don't_? Because we're the founders, is that why? Because we are the original heroes, we're _allowed _our flaws?! We save people whenever **we can**, not whenever _we can't_." his tone serious, and grave, and despite how the words ring true, and make Captain Marvel understand, he doesn't want to. He doesn't want his mistake to be _justified_; he _doesn't want_ to be allowed his failure, because of his _**difference**_ in age. He wants to be treated **equally**; which goes back to his decision in giving up Billy, he doesn't regret anything but failing those people today.

"You're not the _first_ hero to have let civilians die. The Joker has managed to murder a lot of people in Gotham; do you think I don't feel guilt, _because I'm Batman_? Do people **not** blame Batman for not fighting hard enough, they _do_. Superman has also let some civilians die in the process of _becoming_ Superman; does that make him unworthy of saving people? Every hero has his mishaps, his failures, and for a hero to become a hero, he must overcome **his mistakes**, _his flaws_, to become a hero, and to prevent those failures from happening again. If you turn away now, you will _**not**_ be the hero you've always claimed to be. You will be no more less than the coward who killed those people, because you are walking away from the chance to save thousands more."

Billy trembles as the words hit him hard, for the contain the truth, and the truth always stings **painfully**, where it counts the most, for Batman has thrown out most of his fears, and proved them _wrong_. Batman has stated the very truth, the very reason why Billy did not want to be Billy anymore, he **is** 10 years old, was that a _good excuse_ for letting people die? **Most** people _didn't even know_ that. "I can't_.._..." Captain Marvel chokes out, not wanting to let go his firm belief that he was no good as a hero, as a failure.

And Batman stares at him before turning to Shayera, who nodded, and flew over to Captain Marvel, and pulled off her mask, revealing her green eyes more clearly, and beautiful orange-red hair that fell into lovely waves framing her face. She ordered Captain Marvel "Look at _me_", and Captain Marvel did. Her order was uttered softly, but her words were firm, and she continued "I had _once_ betrayed the Justice League, and helped **my people** enslave the Earth. How _**many**_ people do you think they killed?" and Captain Marvel shook his head, but the glare she directed him made him utter "A few hundred."

She smiled sadly, and uttered "I _wish_. Thousands died, before my mind was clear enough to realize that my people were the _very_ same evil I had been fighting with the League. The very same Justice League that I'd fought with, protected, and betrayed. And yet here I am, standing beside them, do I _not_ deserve death? **Shouldn't I** have _quit_, just like you're _trying_ to do. I did, and then I realized that by quitting I could not atone for my past mistakes, for my betrayal. I was doing the same mistakes I did before, but this time I was being a coward. I was _not living up_ to the name of 'Justice League' and to be considered a founder, even **more** shameful." her tone **full **of regret. And suddenly a small smile appeared on her lips, as she pointed to Batman, and to Superman who came through the door with the Flash. "They gave me a chance to make things right, and I took it. If I had walked away like you wish to do, I would've no longer been a hero. And I wouldn't have been able to save the lives of many people today. I don't regret it, and you shouldn't either Billy". Her hands grasped his tightly as she whispered "_Don't run away_. We **won't** stop you, but _don't_ take the cowards way out Billy."

Captain Marvel felt drained, all the anger gone. His lips trembled as he uttered pained "Does it _ever_ go away?" not really understanding what he was asking, but Shayera doesn't need to understand as her smile widens and she replies "Yes, _it_ _does_, **helping **people makes it all _go away_." Superman instantly places a comforting hand on his shoulder, and it takes everything Captain Marvel has within him not to hug the older Superhero or to start crying. But it doesn't stop Shayera from hugging him or Flash from ruffling his hair and uttered "We'll be there for you kid. Whether you're in or out of the league, _we're there for you_".

Superman smiles gently and states "You'll _always_ be a member of the Justice League Captain Marvel, one mission _gone wrong_ **doesn't** change that, but it does make you _stronger_". Captain Marvel doesn't notice the smile that graces Batman's lips, but he does hear the faded words "It's gonna be okay Billy" before Batman leaves the room. The grin that fills Captain Marvel's face is a _sight to see_, which makes the other members smile as well, and the joy that fills him in that moment almost washes away _**all**_ the pain, but **only** for_ that_ _moment_.

A bitter smile graces Billy as he thinks sadly 'But when Batman, _when_ will it all be _finally_ _**okay**_?'


End file.
